Real Laws Of Life

1. Mar's Rule
   "An expert is anyone from out of town"
   
   
2. Second Law of Class Scheduling
   "A pre-requisite for a desired course will only be
   offered during the semester following the desired course."
   
   
3. Law of Class Scheduling
   "Class schedules are designed so that every student
   will waste the maximum time between classes."
   
   
4. Mars Rule
   "An expert is anyone from out of town"
   
   
5. Seit's Law
   "The one course you must take to graduate
   will not be offered during your last semester"
   
   
6. Cornuelle's Law
   "Authority tends to assign jobs to those least able to do them"
   
   
7. Ruan's Law
   "Possessions increase to fill the space available for their storage"
   
   
8. Arthurs Second Law of Love
   "The love letter you finally got the courage to send will be delayed in
   the mail long enough for you to make a fool of yourself in person"
   
   
9. Arthurs First Law of Love
   "People to whom you are attracted invariably
   think you remind them of someone else"
   
   
10. Iske's Teenage Law
    "The stomach expands to accomodate the amount of junk food available"
    
    
11. Lab Workers Law
    "When you do not know what you are doing, do it neatly"
    
    
12. Green Thumb Postulate
    "The life expectancy of a house plant varies
    inversely with its price and directly with its ugliness"
    
    
13. Ruby's Principal of Close Encounters
    "The probablility of meeting someone you know increases
    when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with"
    
    
14. Green's Law
    "Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about"
    
    
15. Jacob's Law
    "To err is human - to blame it on someone else is even more human"
    
    
16. Denniston's Law
    "Virtue is its own punishment"
    
    
17. Bess's Telephone Law
    "The Telephone will ring when you are outside the
    door fumbling for your keys. You will reach it just in
    time to hear the click of the caller hanging up."
    
    
18. Beryl's Law
    "The Consumer Report on the item will come
    out a week after you've made your purchase"
    
    
19. Law of TV Programming
    "If there are only two shows worth
    watching they will be on at the same time"
    
    
20. Athena's Rule of Driving Courtesy
    "If you allow someone to get in front of you, you both will have the
    same destination and the other car will get the last parking space"
    
    
21. Grelb's Law
    "In any series of calculations, errors tend to occur at the
    opposite end at which you begin checking for errors"
    
    
22. Chicholm's Law
    "If you explain so clearly that nobody can misunderstand, somebody will"
    
    
23. Athena's Rule of Parking
    "If you allow someone to get in front of you, you both will have the
    same destination, and the other car will get the last parking space."
    
    
24. Hershiser's Third Rule
    "The label 'ALL NEW', 'COMPLETELY NEW' or
    'GREAT NEW' means the price went way up"
    
    
25. Hershiser's Second Rule
    "The label NEW and/or IMPROVED means the price went up"
    
    
26. Hershiser's First Rule
    "Anything labelled NEW and/or IMPROVED isn't"
    
    
27. Chisholms Law
    "If you do something which you are sure will meet
    with everybody's approval, somebody won't like it"
    
    
28. Cheit's Lament
    "If you help a friend in need, he is sure to
    remember you - the next time he's in need"
    
    
29. Grelb's Law of Erroring
    "In any series of calculations, errors tend to occur at the
    opposite end from the end at which you begin checking for errors"
    
    
30. Herblock's Law
    "If it's good, they discontinue it"
    
    
31. Banana Principle
    "If you buy some bananas before they are ripe, there
    won't be any left by the time they are ripe. If you
    buy them ripe, they rot before they are eaten"
    
    
32. Conway's Law
    "In any organisation there will always be one person
    who knows what is going on. This person must be fired"
    
    
33. Jones First Law of TV
    "The only new show worth watching will be cancelled"
    
    
34. Attwood's Law
    "No books are lost by lending except those you particularly wanted to keep"
    
    
35. Lerman's Law of Technology Corollary
    "You are never given enough time or money"
    
    
36. Lerman's Law of Technology
    "Any technical problem can be overcome given enough time and money"
    
    
37. Shirley's Law
    "Most people deserve one another"
    
    
38. Yeager's Law
    "All breakdowns occur on the plumber's day off"
    
    
39. Athena's Law of Driving
    "If you allow someone to get in front of you, you both will have the
    same destination, and the other car will get the last parking space"
    
    
40. Modern Science Law
    "1. If it's green or wriggles, it's biology"
    "2. If it stinks, it's chemistry"
    "3. If it doesn't work, it's physics"
    
    
41. Lewis' Law
    "People will buy anything that's one to a customer"
    
    
42. Sixth Law of the Office
    "The last person who quit or was fired will be held responsible for
    everything that goes wrong - until the next person quits or is fired"
    
    
43. Zymurgy's Law
    "People are always available for work in the past tense"
    
    
44. Herblock's Law
    "If it's good, they discontinue it"
    
    
45. Hadley's Fourth Law of Shopping
    "If you like it, it fits, and you can afford it,
    it falls apart the first time you wash it"
    
    
46. Hadley's Third Law of Shopping
    "If you like it, and it fits, you can't afford it"
    
    
47. Hadley's Second Law of Shopping
    "If you like it, and its in your size, it doesn't fit anyway"
    
    
48. Hadley's First Law of Shopping
    "If you like it, they don't have it in your size"
    
    
49. Corollary of Johnson's Law
    "All of your friends either missed it, lost it or threw it out"
    
    
50. Johnson's Law
    "If you miss one issue of a magazine it will be the issue which
    contained the article, story or installment you were most anxious to read"
    
    
51. Drew's Law
    "The first bug to hit a clean windscreen
    lands directly in front your eyes"
    
    
52. Deal's Second Law of Sailing
    "No matter how strong the breeze when you leave the dock, once
    you have reached the furthest point from shore, the wind will die"
    
    
53. Quantum Revision of Murphy's Law
    "Everything goes wrong all at once"
    
    
54. McKee's Law
    "The Traffic Light will turn green as soon
    as your vehicle comes to a complete stop"
    
    
55. Fourth Law of the Office
    "Envelopes which don't stick when you lick them will
    stick to other things when you don't want them to"
    
    
56. Third Law of the Office
    "Machines that have broken down will work perfectly when the repairman arrives."
    
    
57. First Law of the Workshop
    "The one drill bit you need will be the one missing from the tool chest"
    
    
58. Second Law of Sailing
    "No matter how strong the breeze when you leave the dock, once
    you have reached the furthest point from shore the wind will die"
    
    
59. Grossman's Lemma
    "Any task worth doing was worth doing yesterday"
    
    
60. Knagg's Derivative
    "The more complicated and grandiose the plan,
    the greater the chance of failure"
    
    
61. Workshop Principle
    "Left over bolts never match left over nuts"
    
    
62. Wethern's Law
    "Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups"
    
    
63. Swipple Rule of Order
    "He who shouts loudest has the floor"
    
    
64. Bedfellow's Rule
    "The one who snores will fall asleep first"
    
    
65. Law of Reruns
    "If you have watched a TV series only once, and you
    watch it again, it will be a rerun of the same episode"
    
    
66. Matilda's Law
    "If you leave the room, you're elected"
    
    
67. Third Rule of Fishing
    "The least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish"
    
    
68. Rule of Negative Anticipation
    "You'll save yourself a lot of needless worry if you
    don't burn your bridges until you come to them"
    
    
69. Porkingham's Second Law
    "The least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish"
    
    
70. The Ruler Rule
    "There is no such thing as a straight line"
    
    
71. Rule of Negative Anticipation
    "You will save youself a lot of needless worry if
    you don't burn your bridges until you come to them"
    
    
72. Pfeifer's Principle
    "Never make a decision you can get someone else to make"
    
    
73. Whistler's Law
    "You never know who's right, but you always know who's in charge"
    
    
74. Drew's Law
    "The client who pays the least complains the most"
    
    
75. Brock's Motto
    "Forgive and remember"
    
    
76. Roger's Rule
    "A project will be authorised only when none of the
    authorisers can be blamed if the project fails but
    when all of the authorisers can claim credit if it succeeds."
    
    
77. Mollisom's Hypothesis
    "If an idea can survive a bureaucratic review
    and be implemented, it wasn't worth doing."
    
    
78. Knox's Principal
    "Whenever a superstar is traded to your favourite team, he fades.
    Whenever your team trades away a no-name, he immediately rises to stardom"
    
    
79. Thom's Law of Marital Bliss
    "The length of a marriage is inversely
    proportional to the amount spent on the wedding"
    
    
80. Fifth Law of Management
    "Some people manage by the book even though they
    don't know who wrote the book or even what book"
    
    
81. Harrison's Postulate
    "For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism"
    
    
82. Hutchinson's Law
    "If a situation requires undivided attention, it will
    occur simultaneously with a compelling distraction."
    
    
83. Automotive Repair Law 2
    "If you can actually remove the part,
    the replacement will be on backorder"
    
    
84. Automotive Repair Law 1
    "If you can get to the faulty part
    you don't have the tool to get it off."
    
    
85. Murray's Rule
    "Nothing is ever so bad it can't be made worse by firing the coach."
    
    
86. Witten's Law
    "Whenever you cut your fingernails, you
    will find a need for them an hour later."
    
    
87. Queue Principle
    "The longer you wait in line, the greater likelihood
    that you are standing in the wrong line."
    
    
88. Edelsteins Advice
    "Don't worry about what other people are thinking about you.
    They're too busy worrying over what you are thinking about them."
    
    
89. Law of Gifts
    "You get the most of what you need the least"
    
    
90. Grossman's Misquote
    "Complex problems have simple,
    easy to understand wrong answers"
    
    
91. Conway's Law
    "In every organisation there will always be one person
    who knows what's going on. This person must be fired"
    
    
92. Imbesi's Law
    "In order for something to become clean,
    something else must become dirty"
    
    
93. Freeman's Extension
    "...but you can get everything dirty
    without getting anything clean"
    
    
94. Edelstein's Advice
    "Don't worry over what other people are thinking about you.
    They're too busy worrying over what you are thinking of them"
    
    
95. Naeser's Law
    "You can make it foolproof, but you can't make it damn foolproof"
    
    
96. Ferguson's Precept
    "A crisis is when you can't say 'let's forget the whole thing'"
    
    
97. Grelb's Law
    "If it was bad, it'll be back"
    
    
98. Law of the Search
    "The first place to look for anything is
    the last place you would expect to find it"
    
    
99. Fourth Law of Kitchen Confusion
    "The one ingredient you make a special trip to the
    store to get will be the one your guest is allergic to"
    
    
100. Second Law of Kitchen Confusion
     "Once a dish is fouled up, anything
     added to to save it only makes it worse"
     
     
101. MaryAnn's Law
     "You can always find what you're not looking for"
     
     
102. Rune's Rule
     "If you don't care where you are, you ain't lost"
     
     
103. Jenkinson's Law
     "It won't work"
     
     
104. Barth's Distinction
     "There are two types of people: those who
     divide people into two types, and those who don't"
     
     
105. McLaughry's Codicil
     "To make an enemy, do someone a favour"
     
     
106. Jones' Motto
     "Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate"
     
     
107. Bill Jones Motto
     "Its morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money"
     
     
108. Selective Supervision Law
     "The one time in the day that you lean back and relax
     is the one time the boss walks through the office"
     
     
109. Weiler's Law
     "Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself"
     
     
110. O'Brien's Principal
     "Auditors always reject any expense claim
     with a bottom line divisible by 5 or 10"
     
     
111. Bargain Basement Principle
     "The one you want is never the one on sale"
     
     
112. Juhani's Law
     "The compromise will always be more expensive
     than either of the suggestions it is compromising"
     
     
113. Wiker's Law
     "Government expands to absorb revenue
     ....and then some"
     
     
114. Mark's Law
     "A fool and your money are soon partners"
     
     
115. Parkinson's Law
     "Expenditure always rises to meet income"
     
     
116. Patton's Law
     "A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow"
     
     
117. Boren's Laws
     "When in doubt, mingle.
     When in trouble, delegate.
     When in charge, ponder."
     
     
118. Miller's Law
     "You can't tell how deep a puddle is until you step in it"
     
     
119. Rule of The Great
     "When somebody you greatly admire and
     respect appears to be thinking deep thoughts,
     they are probably thinking about lunch"
     
     
120. Law of Committee Dynamics
     "The less you enjoy serving on committees,
     the more likely you are to be pressed to do so"
     
     
121. Wellington's Law of Command
     "The cream rises to the top - so does the scum..."
     
     
122. Shanahan's Law
     "The length of a meeting rises with the
     square of the number of people present"
     
     
123. Worker's Dilemma #2
     "What you don't do is always more important than what you do"
     
     
124. Worker's Dilemma
     "No matter how much you do, you'll never do enough"
     
     
125. First Law of Debate
     "Never argue with a fool -
     people might not know the difference"
     
     
126. Stewarts Law of Retroaction
     "Its easier to get forgiveness than ask permission"
     
     
127. Rule of Accuracy
     "When working towards the solution of a problem,
     it always helps if you know the answer"
     
     
128. Young's Corollary
     "The greater the funding, the longer it takes to make the mistake"
     
     
129. Youngs Law
     "All great discoveries are made by mistake"
     
     
130. Rule of Accuracy
     "When working toward the solution of a problem,
     it always helps if you know the answer"
     
     
131. Maier's Law
     "If the facts do not conform to the theory,
     they must be disposed of"
     
     
132. Murphy's Law of Research
     "Enough research will tend to support your theory"
     
     
133. Law of Annoyance
     "When working on a project, if you put away a
     tool that you're certain you've finished with,
     you will need it again instantly."
     
     
134. Cooper's Law
     "If you do not understand a particular word in a
     piece of technical writing, ignore it. The piece
     will make perfect sense without it"
     
     
135. Horner's Postulate
     "Experience varies directly with the equipment ruined"
     
     
136. Law of the Lost Inch
     "In designing any type of construction, no overall
     dimension can be totalled correctly at 4.40pm Friday."
     
     
137. Evan's Law
     "No matter what goes wrong, there
     is always somebody who knew it would"
     
     
138. Schmidt's Law
     "If you mess with a thing long enough, it'll break"
     
     
139. Ehrman's Commentary
     "Things get worse before they get better.
     Who said things would get better ?"
     
     
140. Shaw's Principal
     "Build a system that even a fool can use,
     and only a fool will want to use it"
     
     
141. Osborne's Law
     "Variables won't: Constants aren't"
     
     
142. Pudder's Law
     "Anything that begins well, ends badly,
     Anything that begins badly, ends worse"
     
     
143. Flugg's Law
     "When you need to knock on wood is when you
     realise that the world is made of plastic and aluminium"
     
     
144. Glyme's Formula
     "The secret of success is sincerity....
     once you can fake that, you've got it made"
     
     
145. Airplane Law
     "Whenever the plane you are on is late,
     the plane you want to transfer to is on time"
     
     
146. First Rule of Acting
     "Whatever happens, look as if you intended it to happen"
     
     
147. Howe's Law
     "Everyone has a scheme that will not work"
     
     
148. Martial Arts Law 5
     "The day you leave work early to make it
     to class on time, the sensei will be sick"
     
     
149. Martial Arts Law 4
     "After a flawless demonstration,
     you will trip on your way back to your seat."
     
     
150. Martial Arts Law 3
     "If you have to use your training in self-defense,
     your attacker's father will be a lawyer"
     
     
151. Martial Arts Law 2
     "The referee will always be looking the other way when you score"
     
     
152. Martial Arts Law 1
     "The wimp who made it through the elimination round on luck alone
     will suddenly turn into Bruce Lee when you're up against him"
     
     
153. Commoner's Law of Ecology
     "Nothing ever goes away"
     
     
154. Sturgeon's Law
     "90% of everything is crud"
     
     
155. Law of Expectations
     "Negative expectations yield negative results
     Positive expectations yield negative results"
     
     
156. Issawi's Law of Progress
     "A shortcut is the longest distance between two points"
     
     
157. Finagle"s First Law
     "If an experiment works, something has gone wrong"
     
     
158. Law of Life's Highway
     "If everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane"
     
     
159. Backpacker's Law
     "All trails have more uphill sections
     than they have level or downhill sections"
     
     
160. Scott's Law
     "When an error has been detected and corrected,
     it will be found to have been correct in the first place"
     
     
161. Murphy's Sixth Corollary
     "It is impossible to make anything
     foolproof because fools are so ingenious"
     
     
162. Murphy's Fifth Corollary
     "Every solution breeds new problems"
     
     
163. Murphy's Fourth Corollary
     "Whenever you set out to do something,
     something else must be done first"
     
     
164. Murphy's Third Corollary
     "If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the
     one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong"
     
     
165. Murphy's Second Corollary
     "Everything takes longer than you think"
     
     
166. Murphy's First Corollary
     "Nothing is as easy as it looks"
     
     
167. Hlade's Law
     "If you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy man -
     he will find an easier way to do it"
     
     
168. Thom's Law of Marital Bliss
     "The length of the marriage is inversely
     proportional to the amount spent on the wedding"
     
     
169. Jaffe's Precept
     "There are some things which are impossible to know,
     but it is impossible to know which things they are"
     
     
170. Second Law of Applied Terror
     "The more studying you did for the exam,
     the less sure you are as to which answer they want"
     
     
171. First Law of Applied Terror
     "When reviewing your notes before an exam,
     the most important ones will be illegible"
     
     
172. Perlsweig's Law
     "People who can least afford to pay rent, pay rent.
     People who can most afford to pay rent, build up equity"
     
     
173. Thal's Law
     "For every vision, there is an equal and opposite revision"
     
     
174. Meyer's Law
     "It's a simple task to make things more complex,
     but a complex task to make them simple"
     
     
175. Truman's Law
     "If you cannot convince them, confuse them"
     
     
176. Harris' Lament
     "All the good ones are taken"
     
     
177. Ducharme's Precept
     "Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment"
     
     
178. Unspeakable Law
     "As soon as you mention something....if it's good, it goes away"
     
     
179. Sattinger's Law
     "It works better if you plug it in"
     
     
180. Ordering Principle
     "The supplies necessary for yesterdays's
     work must be ordered no later than noon tomorrow"
     
     
181. Paul's Law
     "It's not how much an item costs, it's how much you save that matters"
     
     
182. Bromberg's Second Auto Repair Law
     "No matter how minor the task, you will
     inevitably end up covered with grease and motor oil"
     
     
183. Bromberg's Law of Auto Repair
     "When the need arises, any tool closest to you becomes a hammer"
     
     
184. Murphy's Law of Multiples
     "If you perceive that there are four possible ways
     in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent
     these, then a fifth way will promptly develop"
     
     
185. Chicholm's Second Corollary
     "If you explain so clearly that nobody
     can mis-understand, somebody will"
     
     
186. Murphy's Seventh Corollary
     "Nature always sides with the hidden flaw"
     
     
187. Drew's Law
     "The first bug to hit a clean windshield always
     lands directly in front of the driver's eyes"
     
     
188. Rule of the Rally
     "The only way to make up for being lost is
     to make record time while you are lost"
     
     
189. Zymurgy's Law
     "Once you open a can of worms, the only way
     to recan them is to use a larger can"
     
     
190. Van Roy's Law
     "An unbreakable toy is good for breaking other toys"
     
     
191. Hecht's Fourth Law
     "There's no time like the present to postpone what you don't want to do"
     
     
192. Cheop's Law
     "Nothing ever gets built on time and within budget"
     
     
193. Second Law of Office Murphology
     "Office machines which function perfectly during normal business
     hours will break down when you return to the office at night to
     use them for personal business"
     
     
194. Unspeakable Law
     "As soon as you mention something.....if its good, it goes away"
     
     
195. Law of the Office
     "Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by spontaneously
     moving from where you left them to where you can't find them"
     
     
196. Law of Shopping
     "If you like it and it fits, you can't afford it"
     
     
197. Jaffe's Precept
     "There are some things which are impossible to know -
     but it is impossible to know which things these are"
     
     
198. O'Reilly's Law
     "Cleanliness is next to impossible"
     
     
199. Merkin's Maxim
     "Whenever in doubt, predict that the trend will continue"
     
     
200. Jenkinson's Law
     "It won't work"
     
     
201. Perkin's Postulate
     "The bigger they are, the harder they hit"
     
     
202. Lewis' Law
     "No matter how long or how hard you shop for an item,
     after you've bought it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper"
     
     
203. First Law of Bicycling
     "No matter which way you ride, it's uphill and against the wind"
     
     
204. First Law of Travel
     "It always takes longer to get there than to get back"
     
     
205. Gourd's Axiom
     "A meeting is an event at which minutes
     are kept and hours are lost"
     
     
206. Matz's Maxim
     "A conclusion is the place where you get tired of thinking"
     
     
207. Bjorn's Law
     "No matter what goes wrong,
     there is always somebody who knew it would."
     
     
208. Cycling First Law
     "No matter which way you ride,
     it's always uphill and against the wind."
     
     
209. Captain Penny's Law
     "You can fool all of the people some of the time,
     and some of the people all of the time,
     but you can't fool your Mum."
     
     
210. Wade's Advice
     "Never put off until tomorrow that which
     you could have forgotten about entirely"
     
     
211. Beryl's Law
     "The Consumer Report on the item will come out
     a week after you've made your purchase"
     
     
212. Finagle's 8th Rule
     "Teamwork is essential - it allows you to blame someone else"
     
     
213. Gold's Law
     "If the shoe fits - it's ugly"
     
     
214. Jones' Law
     "The man who can smile when things go wrong
     has thought of someone he can blame it on"
     
     
215. Cole's Axiom
     "The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant;
     the population is growing"
     
     
216. Skoff's Law
     "A child will not spill on a dirty floor"
     
     
217. Glyme's Formula
     "Sincerity is the secret of success.
     Once you can fake that, you've got it made"
     
     
218. Michael's Climbing Rule
     "The mountain gets steeper as you get closer"
     
     
219. Osborn's Law
     "Variables won't; constants aren't"
     
     
220. Joe's Law
     "The inside contact you just made at great expense is
     the first to person to be let go in any re-organisation"
     
     
221. Gumperson's Law
     "The probability of anything happening is in inverse ratio to it's desirability"
     
     
222. Hellrung's Law
     "If you wait, it will go away"
     
     
223. Shavelson's Extension
     ".....having done it's damage"
     
     
224. Law of the Kitchen
     "If you make "Duck a l'Orange" you'll be complimented on the peas"
     
     
225. Wingo's Axiom
     "All Finagle's Laws may be bypassed
     by learning the simple art of doing without thinking"
     
     
226. Murphy's Constant
     "Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value"
     
     
227. The Last Law
     "If several things that could have gone wrong have not gone wrong,
     it would have been ultimately beneficial for them to have gone wrong"
     
     
228. Law of Revelation
     "The hidden flaw never remains hidden"
     
     
229. Ballance's Law
     "How long a minute is depends on
     which side of the Toilet Door you're on"
     
     
230. Kitman's Law
     "Pure drivel tends to drive ordinary drivel off the TV screen"
     
     
231. Law of Probable Dispersal
     "Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed"
     
     
232. Perkin's Postulate
     "The bigger they are, the harder they hit"
     
     
233. Cafeteria Law
     "The item you had your eye on the minute you
     walked in will be take by the person in front of you"
     
     
234. Third Queue Principle
     "Switching back screws up both lines and makes everybody angry"
     
     
235. Second Queue Principle
     "If you change lines, the one you just left will start
     to move faster than the one you are now in"
     
     
236. First Queue Principle
     "The other line is always faster"
     
     
237. Jones Law of Museums
     "The most interesting specimen will not be labelled"
     
     
238. Breda's Rule
     "At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last"
     
     
239. Cole's Law
     "Thinly sliced cabbage"
     
     
240. Lowery's Law
     "If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway"
     
     
241. Flugg's Rule
     "The slowest checker is always at the express checkout lane"
     
     
242. Fagin's Rule
     "Hindsite is an exact science"
     
     
243. Christmas Shopping Axiom
     "If an item is advertised as "under $40", you can bet it's not $9.95"
     
     
244. Law of Ownership
     "If you keep anything long enough, you can throw it away"
     "If you throw it away, you will need it the next day"
     
     
245. Workshop Principle
     "Most simple assembly jobs require three hands"
     
     
246. Campbell's Third Law of Auto Repair
     "If it's in stock, it didn't need replacing in the first place"
     
     
247. Collateral Corollary
     "In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don't need it"
     
     
248. Todd's First Law
     "All things being equal, you lose"
     
     
249. Lemar's Parking Postulate
     "If you park 6 blocks away,
     you'll find two spaces right outside the building"
     
     
250. Lieberman's Law
     "Everyone lies, but it doesn't matter, as nobody listens"
     
     
251. Kovac's Conundrum
     "When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal"
     
     
252. Boling's Postulate
     "If you're feeling good, don't worry, you'll get over it!"
     
     
253. Devrie's Dilemma
     "If you hit two keys on the typewriter,
     the one you don't want hits the paper"
     
     
254. Lynch's Law
     "When the going gets tough, everyone leaves"
     
     
255. Newton's Seventh Law
     "A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead"
     
     
256. Farmer's Law
     "Sow your wild oats on Saturday night - then on Sunday pray for crop failure"
     
     
257. Boob's Law
     "You always find something in the last place you look"
     
     
258. Thompson's Tattle
     "A four hour staff meeting rarely accomplishes anything that a ten minute slap fight can't."
     
     
259. Moer's Truism
     "The trouble with most jobs is the resemblance to being in a sled dog team. No one gets a change of scenery except the lead dog."
     
     
260. Jam Side Down Theory
     "If there is more than one way in which a system can operate, it will usually operate the wrong way"
     
     
261. Swain's First Law of Organisation
     "One's propensity to be appointed to non-paying positions of responsibility is inversely proportional to the size of one's bladder"
     
     
262. Compensation Corollary
     "The experiment may be considered a success if no more than 50% of the observed measurements must be discarded to obtain a correspondence with theory"
     
     
263. Flaple's Law
     "Any inanimate object, regardless of its composition or configuration, may be expected to perform, at any time, in a totally unexpected manner for reasons that are either entirely obscure or else completely mysterious"
     
     
264. Edsel Murphy
     "It's impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious"
     
     
265. Weinberg's Law
     "If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilisation"
     
     
266. Euclid
     "A flat file is not a list of apartments"
     
     
267. Coveyou's Claim
     "The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance"
     
     
268. Lazarus' Lecture
     "A committee is a body with 6 or more legs and no brain"
     
     
269. Dykstra's Law
     "If de-bugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in"
     
     
270. Clarke's Third Law
     "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic"
     
     
271. Rev. Mahaffy's Observation
     "There is no such thing as a large whisky"
     
     
272. Kyrie Liaison
     "If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, then you just don't understand the problem"
     
     
273. Law of Probable Dispersal
     "Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed"
     
     
274. Gummidge's Law
     "The amount of expertise varies in inverse proportion to the number of statements understood by the general public"
     
     
275. Spare Parts Corollary
     "The accessibility during recovery of small parts that fall from the work bench, varies directly with the size of the part and inversely with its importance to the completion of the work underway"
     
     
276. Rerdin's Law
     "In a crisis that forces a choice to be made among alternate courses of action, most people will choose the worst one possible."
     
     
277. Timely Order Principle
     "Those supplies necessary for yesterday's experiment must be ordered no later than tomorrow noon"
     
     
278. Fitzgibbon's Law
     "Creativity varies inversely with the number of cooks involved with the broth"
     
     
279. Finnegans Finagling Factor
     "That quantity which, when multiplied by, divided by, added to or subtracted from the answer you got, gives you the answer you should have got."
     
     
280. The Ultimate Principle
     "By definition, when you are searching the unknown, you do not know what you will find"
     
     
281. Fitzgibbon's Law
     "Creativity varies inversely with the number of cooks involved with the broth"
     
     
282. Daniel's Theory
     "If you dont know where you're going, any road will get you there"
     
     
283. Longs Theory
     "Always listen to experts. They'll tell you what can't be done, and why, then do it."
     
     
284. Porteous's Proposition
     "One million times nothing is still nothing"
     
     
285. Futility Factor
     "No experiment is ever a complete failure, it can always serve as a bad example"
     
     
286. Chisholm's Law
     "Any time things appear to be going better, you have overlooked something"
     
     
287. Homer's Five Thumb Postulate
     "Experience varies directly with the amount of equipment ruined"
     
     
288. Sod's Law
     "In any given set of circumstances, events will combine to provide the maximum amount of inconvenience"
     
     
289. Allen's Axiom
     "When all else fails, read the Instructions"
     
     
290. Vernon's Law
     "The spaghetti always wins"
     
     
291. Salinger's Law
     "Quit when you're still behind. When you're in a hole, don't dig"
     
     
292. Finagle's Law
     "Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse"
     
     
293. The Point of No Return Law
     "The light at the end of the tunnel could turn out to be the headlight of an oncoming train"
     
     
294. Horwitz's First Law of the Admiralty
     "A collision at sea can ruin your entire day"
     
     
295. Gusterman's Law
     "The probability of an event occurring is proportional to its desirability"
     
     
296. Andrew's Deduction
     "Attila the Hun came from a broken home"
     
     
297. Schmidt's Law
     "Never, ever, eat prunes when you're hungry"
     
     
298. Second Corollary to Corrigan's Theory
     "Anything that fails will fail in the manner most difficult to explain"
     
     
299. Ellenberg's Theory
     "One good turn gets most of the blanket"
     
     
300. Cannon's Comment
     "The leak in the roof is never in the same place as the hole"
     
     
301. Shanahan's Law
     "The length of a meeting rises with the square of the number of people present"
     
     
302. Yale Law
     "Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure, temperature, volume, humidity, and other variables, the organism will do as it darn well pleases"
     
     
303. Anthony's Law of Force
     "Don't force it; get a larger hammer"
     
     
304. Martha's Maxim
     "If God had meant for us to travel tourist class, He would have made us narrower"
     
     
305. Patrice's Theorem
     "If the experiment works, you must be using the wrong equipment"
     
     
306. Weiler's Law
     "Nothing is important for the person who doesn't have to do it for themself"
     
     
307. Occam's Theory
     "The simplest explanation of any phenomenon is usually the correct one"
     
     
308. Feldstein's Law
     "Never, ever, play leapfrog with a Unicorn !"
     
     
309. The Golden Rule
     "Whoever has the Gold makes the Rules"
     
     
310. Murphys Law of Thermodynamics
     "Things get worse under pressure"
     
     
311. Murphys Law
     "If something can go wrong, it will"